aquasilvercj's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think you really should have known... just because. Extremely strange dream last night. I wanted to post it earlier, but Diaryland wouldn't let me. I dreamed that for some reason, aliens were destroying Earth. We were unworthy of life, we had failed all of their tests of merit, etc. All I remember now is, it didn't matter what we did from then on; we only had a few days left to live. I remember sitting in my backyard as the sky grew darker, people were running east, I think. It didn't matter, because the wave of death was going to come for them wherever they went; Earth is just a ball of dirt, after all. Maybe I'm just conjuring this up now, but I remember the death being like a black shadow; it was silent, and quiet, and almost peaceful, but under that all it was so ominous and terrible. As I sat in my backyard, I think I was crying; I don't want to die, I kept thinking. There's so much I still have to do. I remember wanting Lincoln to be there, but he wasn't, and I didn't have time to go find him; everyone was either running in terror, or doing the things they most wanted to do but never got the chance to. Despite all the people running around me, I was really lonely. I didn't have anyone to tell me things were going to get better, because that'd just be a lie. I don't know where my family was, strangely, despite it being my (and their) place of residence and all. The sky was grey, and it was still light out; but there was no sun. I woke up, and the incredible despair vanished. This is probably the result of reading theories of death, and from seeing an episode of Futurama, all within the span of the last few hours before I slept. Watched the Butterfly Effect this past eve. I may have to go buy that movie. That got Alex, and subsequently me, thinking about the past. I told him if I could change anything about my past (I'm not sure that I would), I'd go back and give myself some damned courage. I used to not have very much. I'm getting more confident, but I'm still way shy of cocky (hopefully I'll never have to get there). I'd definitely give myself some more patience, too. Maybe this wisdom that I can feel sometimes is real; maybe it's not. In any case, I'm not going to tell you about it. Just... know that I'd change a few things, with my newfound knowledge of how both I and the world work. Damn it, I feel like I've got the damned West Nile virus. I haven't even done anything today, except work. Stop being sore, you stupid body. As a side note: any music that can affect you in such a way that you can't do anything but simply feel, is meant to be revered. If you're busy thinking while a musical piece is going on, it's not the type of music that's for you. If something can literally snare your heart and sweep you away, you'd damn well better get caught up in the moment. It's magic. One more. Color is also the best thing. I read a book a few years ago, it suggested you close your eyes for five minutes and then open them up and look at all of the color around you. Honestly, it's gorgeous. I don't know how anyone could live their life in shades of grey. 3:04 a.m. - July 30, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||